Forbidden Read online

  And what he wanted was Leah. And, damn it, he would have her no matter what it took.

  He remembered the needy shadow in her eyes last night when he’d lifted her to the pine storage box behind the bar then spread her thighs so he could step between them. He’d intended to take things slowly. To entice her into taking the next step. Make this time different than the times before.

  Now he realized he could do that merely by staying.

  7

  TWO DAYS SINCE LEAH HAD LAST seen J.T. Two nights of tossing and turning in the king-size bed she’d once shared with her husband, waking up with a moan on her lips and her body craving something only J.T. could give her. Forty-eight hours of wading through relentless guilt for having lied to her daughter, her sister and Dan.

  She negotiated the SUV through the late-afternoon traffic, the interior of the car warm from the spring sun as she headed for the five o’clock appointment with the couples counselor Colin McKenna. She’d hoped the time away from J.T. would help her clear her mind. Instead she was even more confused than ever.

  She reached out to switch on the air conditioner then changed her mind and pushed the automatic window opener instead. Fragrant air rolled into the car, teasing her neat hair and urging her to take a deep breath that filled her body with the newness of spring.

  She’d spent more time than she would have liked in the car over the weekend, driving Sami to soccer practice, piano lessons, the mall and her friends’ houses. Normally it would have been Dan’s weekend with her, but he’d switched weekends because he was in the eleventh hour of a high-profile murder case and he and his associates needed to prepare for opening statements they’d give today.

  Leah was used to the excuse. She’d heard it often enough over the past twelve years. Sami had been disappointed, but she’d gotten over it fairly quickly, especially since Leah always felt she had to make up for her husband’s questionable parenting skills and skewed priorities by being a better, more indulgent parent.

  Thus she’d forfeited her own time this weekend in exchange for her daughter’s happiness.

  Which was just as well considering what she would have liked to do with that time.

  “Are you well, Leah?” her father had asked the morning before during her weekly Sunday brunch with him and her sister, Rachel. Every now and again Sami joined them, but not often, begging off with an excuse of homework or plans with her friends.

  “Fine, Daddy. Busy, but fine.” She normally would have wanted to know why he’d asked, but she was learning to steer clear of questions like that in case the person thought it was an open door they’d been invited to walk through.

  She couldn’t share the truth. She’d hurt her father enough a year and a half ago. He’d accepted Dan as more than his son-in-law, welcoming him instead as a son, and she’d ruined that relationship along with so many others in exchange for a few stolen, empty hours with J. T. West.

  Empty…

  No, those hours hadn’t been empty.

  But she had felt achingly empty after he’d left.

  She blindly reached into her purse, taking out both her cell phone and the card J.T. had given her. Over the past few days she’d stared at the card countless times, running the pad of her thumb over the blue ink, reading and rereading his phone number and the address where he was staying. But she’d never gotten beyond that.

  She came to a red light. She pulled to a stop, her heart thudding an uneven rhythm in her chest as she held the card. Then she entered the number into her keypad and pressed dial. She was putting the phone to her ear when the car behind her beeped, indicating that the light had changed.

  She quickly disconnected the call and tossed the phone onto the passenger’s seat, her mouth remarkably dry as she continued driving.

  God, what had she been thinking?

  Long minutes later she pulled into the parking area of the Sylvania medical complex and found a spot near the front of McKenna’s office. She didn’t spot Dan’s Lincoln, which was okay with her because it gave her a few extra moments alone with Dr. McKenna to discuss things she might not have wanted to mention in front of Dan. Today, especially, she was glad for the extra time if only to get her wits about her.

  Although the office boasted a receptionist, Colin McKenna was always out in the reception area to greet her and, she guessed, all of his patients.

  Patients. God, was she really someone’s patient?

  “Leah. Good to see you again,” he said with a smile. “I’m sorry you couldn’t make it last Friday.”

  She’d forgotten about canceling the lunch appointment last week and hadn’t prepared an excuse so she said nothing.

  “Why don’t we wait for Dan in my office?” Colin opened his door for her then followed her in and closed it after them.

  Dr. Colin McKenna was a tall, handsome man who didn’t fit her idea of what a marriage counselor should look like. Especially considering that he wasn’t and hadn’t been married himself. But over the course of the past three months, she’d come to respect his abilities, confided in him things she wouldn’t even tell her sister and trusted that if anyone could help her repair her family, he could.

  “Nice weather, isn’t it?” He took the chair in the middle of the room and motioned for her to take one of the two across from him.

  “Hmm? Oh, yes. The weather.” Leah nodded as she sat down and put her purse on the floor next to the chair. “Spring’s always nice.”

  His eyes narrowed just the slightest bit although his warm smile remained. “Doesn’t sound like your mind is on the weather.”

  “No, I guess it’s not.”

  “Anything you’d like to share…you know, before Dan gets here?”

  Leah swallowed hard wondering why Dr. McKenna seemed to know that she might have something to say that would be better voiced without Dan’s presence.

  “No,” she said, chickening out. She offered a shaky smile. “Full steam ahead, as they say.”

  “Mmm. So they do.”

  Leah considered him. There always seemed to be something just below Dr. McKenna’s surface. Almost as if there were something on his mind, something he wanted to share but didn’t.

  And just like she didn’t encourage her father or sister’s curiosity, she didn’t encourage Dr. McKenna’s, either. In her family’s case her silence was for their protection, with Dr. McKenna it was for her own.

  Truth was, she was afraid of what lay deep inside her. Was terrified that the same reckless woman who had given in to her desires a year and a half ago would spring forward again, take hold and lead her into even more pain. Not just pain for her, but for everyone around her.

  And she couldn’t let that happen.

  “You’re remarkably quiet this afternoon,” Dr. McKenna said.

  Leah gave a half smile. “Yes, I guess I am.” She shrugged. “No complaints. Everything’s going smoothly.”

  “Is it?”

  Leah knew that his question was a matter of course. That he was merely encouraging her to go on, expound on her comment. But she couldn’t help feeling he was questioning the comment itself.

  Or maybe her own subconscious was asking her the question.

  A brief knock on the door and a moment later Dan stepped into the room.

  “Sorry, I’m late,” he said with a grin that was handsome and disarming. He shook Dr. McKenna’s hand then leaned down to kiss Leah’s cheek, too fast for her to kiss him back. “I didn’t miss anything interesting, I hope?”

  Dr. McKenna engaged Dan in conversation, allowing Leah to look at her ex-husband, soon to be her husband again. Really look at him again, especially in light of J.T.’s return.

  No. J.T. could have nothing to do with what went on in this room. What was going on in her life. She was studying Dan to sort out her own thoughts.

  Dan Burger had always been handsome. In high school and college, he had been the football quarterback and team captain. Four years her senior, they’d starting dating when she was eighteen an
d had met at a Halloween party thrown at his frat house. Almost from the instant they’d been introduced by mutual friends, he’d treated her like she was something special. He’d wooed her and wowed her, taking her to the best restaurants, treating her like a princess to his dashing prince and proposing to her on the night of their third-month anniversary.

  If she’d thought things were going too fast back then, she’d ignored it. Truth was, she hadn’t been interested in following the same path as her friends who had their lives all planned out like some sort of preprinted restaurant menu. Finish college, go on to graduate school, become engaged, then get married and have children.

  Leah had been bored with college and hadn’t hesitated to quit and become Dan’s wife, over the loud protest of her parents. Within two months of their wedding, she’d become pregnant with Sami and…

  And, well, here she and Dan were trying to patch up a marriage that should never have been broken.

  “And where does guilt factor into all this for you, Leah?”

  Leah blinked, realizing that she’d stayed silent for far too long. Dan and Dr. McKenna had already begun the session without her.

  “Pardon me?”

  Dr. McKenna smiled at her. “Dan was just saying that he feels guilty for having taken his relationship with you for granted. Expecting you to always be there without any effort from him.”

  Guilt. That emotion that had threatened to choke off her breath for the past sixteen months.

  “I was wondering how you felt about that?” Dr. McKenna prompted, sitting back in his chair.

  Leah tilted her chin toward her chest and cleared her throat. “He’d worked hard for where he was…where he is. I never questioned Dan and his commitment to his career.”

  “Maybe you should have,” Dan said quietly.

  Leah blinked at him, incapable of words. She’d been married to the man beside her for twelve years yet he seemed like a complete stranger to her. She’d slept in his bed, made his meals, made love with him, bore his daughter, yet all she could think of when she looked at him was she really didn’t know who he was.

  Or rather, she no longer knew who she was when they were together.

  Dr. McKenna leaned forward. “I think what Dan’s trying to say, and correct me if I’m wrong, Dan, is that maybe he should have given his marriage the same commitment he made to his career.”

  Dan nodded, his gaze never leaving Leah’s.

  She felt that choking sensation again. Only this time she was afraid it wasn’t guilt, but suffocation.

  “Now then,” Dr. McKenna said, “let’s move on to what’s been happening with Sami during the past week….”

  Leah went boneless with relief and she was pretty sure that Dr. McKenna picked up on it.

  She fiddled with her watch, sliding it so she could discreetly look at the time. She prayed for help to get her through the next forty minutes.

  “Actually,” Dan interrupted, sitting earnestly forward, his hands clasped tightly between his knees, “there is something else I wanted to say before we move on to Sami.”

  Dr. McKenna nodded. “That’s okay with me. Is it all right with you, Leah?”

  Dan was looking at her with such intensity that she wanted to excuse herself from the room. Instead she forced a smile then nodded.

  “I know we’ve touched on it before, but I’d like for us to set a date for when I might move back to the house. Move back home.”

  TWO HOURS LATER LEAH WAS sitting in her car, again feeling so outside herself she couldn’t seem to concentrate on the simplest tasks. The session had ended, Dan had kissed her on the cheek then gone to pick up Sami for their weekly dinner with Dan’s parents. Leah had seen to some errands and done a lot of driving around trying to make sense out of her life, and not having luck. Groceries she really didn’t need were packed into the back seat, along with a bottle of wine she really shouldn’t have splurged on. The sun was setting, smearing the sky with brilliant oranges and reds. She stared at the horizon, willing herself not to think about anything. Not to remember what had been said during the session. Not to recall that J.T. might still be in town and all it would take was a phone call and he’d be with her within five minutes.

  All she had to do was take this one step at a time. Just like she had before. One step, then another, and before too long life settled into a manageable routine and the what ifs and what might have beens fell to the wayside, crowded out by the reality of now and what is. She owed it to Dan, who, miracle of all miracles, wanted to be her husband again. She owed it to Sami, who was having so much trouble adjusting to life with a single parent that her grades were slipping and happiness seemed to be a long-forgotten memory.

  And you? What do you need, Leah?

  J.T.’s words from last week came back to haunt her. Only she was half afraid they weren’t his words, but rather her own.

  “This is what I want,” she whispered. “I want my life to go back to the way it was. Before…”

  Before J.T. Before she’d destroyed everything she’d worked so hard for. Before she’d hurt her husband and child.

  And she was moving in that direction with the counseling. Although no date had been set for Dan to move back into the house—her shocked silence when Dan had made his proclamation had prompted Dr. McKenna to step in and say that perhaps they should talk about that next week—there would be soon. And she needed to prepare herself for that. Both mentally and physically.

  She’d driven to a greenhouse on the southwestern side of town to pick up a couple of planters of red and white geraniums and now was heading back. Out this far traffic was sparse and dark, elegant houses sat back from the two-lane road.

  The Lexus’s engine sputtered.

  Leah looked down at the gas gauge. She’d filled up that morning before class and the needle still read nearly full.

  Another cough.

  She watched the engine light flick on, blinking a bright red at her, indicating the car needed service.

  Then the engine died altogether.

  Leah checked for traffic behind her, but there was none. She drifted to a stop off on the right shoulder, put the car in Park, then tried to restart the engine. It made a faint ticking sound then went silent again. She’d never run into problems with the high-end automobile. She’d bought it three years ago and didn’t have many miles on it and had it serviced like clockwork. She put the car into Neutral then tried to start it again, this time only silence greeting the turn of the key.

  She put it in Park again. She could get out and check under the hood, but she didn’t know what good that would do because she didn’t have any practical knowledge on car repair. She didn’t have the faintest idea how to identify what might be wrong, much less fix it, assuming she could identify anything more than where the wiper fluid, the oil and the coolant went. And she had the sneaking suspicion that the problem didn’t stem from any of those three.

  The sun was slowly sinking down over the horizon. Soon it would be dark and she’d be left out here on this deserted road alone. She shuddered then fished her cell phone out of her purse. Who was the last person she’d called? Rachel. Rachel would come out and keep her company until the auto company showed up.

  She hit Redial and the line started to ring as she looked through her purse for her wallet and the auto service’s emergency number.

  “Hello,” a male voice answered.

  Very definitely not Rachel.

  Leah’s heart skipped a beat as she realized that it hadn’t been her sister she had called last, but J.T.

  She began to pull the phone away to disconnect for the second time that day.

  “Leah? Is that you?”

  Oh, God, he knew it was her.

  “Um, hi,” she said, digging the heel of her hand into her forehead. Why had she spoken? Why hadn’t she just hung up the instant she’d known it was him?

  “Is something wrong?” he asked.

  Yes, everything, she wanted to say.

  Instead sh
e told him where she was and asked him to come pick her up.

  A HALF HOUR LATER LEAH WRAPPED her arms around herself as she watched the tow truck take her Lexus away. The driver had checked under the hood but hadn’t been able to tell what the problem was without taking it into the shop. No simple dead battery or loose connection to be found.

  Awareness tingled along her skin like a million fingertips, caused by J.T. where he leaned against his bike behind her, his legs crossed at the ankles. She’d asked him to come and he’d come, showing up within five minutes on his motorcycle looking like the best thing she’d ever seen in his snug jeans, scuffed brown boots, white T-shirt and black leather motorcycle jacket.

  Strange, but the instant he’d appeared, her confusion had vanished and she’d known a peace that she hadn’t felt for a long time.

  “Cold?” he asked.

  She turned to respond but he stayed her with a hand to her shoulder as he draped his jacket over her. The rich scent of leather combined with the warmth of his skin teased her nose. She knew she should refuse, no matter how chilly the spring air.

  “It will be cold on the ride back to your place.”

  She turned toward him, a strand of her blond hair catching in the corner of her lip, the growing darkness casting his striking face in shadow. “I don’t want to go home,” she whispered.

  8

  J.T. LOOKED AT LEAH LONG AND HARD, trying to see past her wide, dark eyes to the motivation behind her comment.

  “I don’t want to go home. Not yet,” she said again, walking toward his Harley.

  J.T. stood still for a long moment, watching her slender silhouette in the waning light. She wore a pair of cream-colored slacks and a matching short-sleeve sweater and pumps, looking like a blond-haired angel in his black leather jacket.

  He’d suspected the hang-up earlier in the day had been her. Only he hadn’t expected her to call again. Or to speak when he’d said her name.

  She’d seemed surprised somehow to find him on the other end of the line. But no more surprised than he’d been. Particularly when she’d asked him to come pick her up.